You are going to be an amazing parent! It goes by so fast (eventually) but those early days are slow. As someone who excels at work (at least, according to me), I get much gratification from doing a good job. I didn’t get that when had my first kid. The birth was hard, my feeding journey was difficult and I really, really missed sleeping. I loved my baby dearly, but I felt like I couldn’t do anything right with her. I was thrilled to go back to work and use my brain, complete non-bodily function related tasks and hear “nice job” again. I felt guilty because wasn’t I supposed to be wishing I was home with my baby? Everyone was really happy I was back, and also things didn’t crash and burn while I was away. With my second, I had a different job, 16 weeks off and I soaked up every minute of it. I enjoyed the break, knowing it would go by fast. Your experience is going to be whatever it is, try not to have feelings about your feelings about it, there is already enough guilt around parenting. You will have wonderful days, hours or minutes, and terrible ones. They will all pass and you be back at Section before you know it with an amazing, wonderful baby who adores you no matter what.
This is very, very real! Thank you for sharing something so honest and real.
Speaking from the male perspective, my wife was able to quit her job and stay home when my non-profit merged with another non-profit, increasing my salary and giving my stability. We're both actors by trade and it's been a hard road for both of us. Hard for me to shift into management, away from the stage, and hard for my wife to shift into being with our two kids which - although that was her dream - is very monotonous at times.
We're Catholic, so I'll give a bit of a religious perspective, though it's easily adaptable to a secular/virtue-based perspective, if you desire:
1. Having kids will push you to your limit. Sleep deprivation will reveal how selfish you are - about everything, lol. My wife and I joke about how we used to think we were great people - until you're running on 1 hour of sleep. BUT that's the greatest opportunity you will ever have to grow in holiness/virtue and to truly learn to love and lay your life down for your family and kids. My wife and I struggle with this every day. It's never easy, but it gets more and more rewarding as the kids grow up. It's 100% worth it - especially as the kids get to be 2.5 years+, when they can be silly, talk a lot, engage in conversation, express their thoughts/heart, etc.
2. Part of the monotony is real. 100%. Part of it is that your career no longer becomes the 'prize jewel' project of your life. Your kids are. So you'll have less time to dedicate to thinking about ROI strategies or product management. That's fine. When you're 10-30 years older, you'll love your kids way way way more than you can imagine right now (they are PART of you) and you'll fondly remember your work projects, etc. but they will pale in comparison.
3. The adrenaline of work - and I'm the same junky you are for that stuff - is awesome. I crave that in my work constantly. BUT the joy of seeing your child discover a sense of humor - or of seeing their personality and relationships grow is way, way better.
4. Your kids will force you to slow down. That is a good thing. It is not an easy thing. But they will help you go deeper into reality - whereas adrenaline junky type experiences tend to be fast and shallow (not in a bad way - just not contemplative). If you can slow down, you'll experience yourself unpacking layers to your own heart/experience as well.
5. A community of fellow Moms and Dads in similar stages of life and parenthood is invaluable and helps you feel way way way less alone. It also helps you pool resources, recommended doctors, etc.
Excited for you, Taylor, and grateful for all your work here! But even more excited for you to become a Mama to a beautiful son or daughter! Beautiful!
Hi Taylor - great post. I changed jobs 4x in 3 pregnancies and advanced my career throughout them. My kids are 23/21/18 now so it's been a while and I never was entitled to a 16 week leave. You will probably find adrenaline moments in early parenting although you'll likely be pretty tired and brain foggy for the first few weeks (or months - depends on how your baby sleeps). You will miss the intellectual stimulation and challenge of work - especially since Section has been so exciting.
The hardest thing about maternity leave is that the last part is often the best - that's when you baby is more interactive and is changing daily. I always found it was harder to THINK about returning to work than GOING back to work. Hopefully, you have already arranged whatever childcare you are going to use - and hopefully, it's close to work if you are in an office at all. If you are WFH, plan for how you will be separate from your baby once you are back at work - it's impossible to be an attentive parent and effective executive simultaneously. Sequentially - YES, simultaneously - NO.
A suggestion for both leaving and returning - write a "maternity memo" which is like a First Day Memo (something I use for onboarding people) and captures what you are working on, deliverables, objectives, who is involved and who is the new owner - and share it with everyone impacted by your leave. Ask that the team update/create a memo like that to deliver to you the week before you return so that you can be oriented and pick up where you left off. My former teammembers have done this at Google when taking leave and it's invaluable. Good luck. Wishing you and your baby health and happiness.
Joelle - love the idea of a maternity memo :) I did the first part, but didn't think of the second - having the team deliver back to me when I'm back. I'm definitely already wondering about the transition back (and have heard from others what you said around the end of leave being the hardest part to leave!). Anyways, really appreciate the thoughts and well wishes!
Congratulations! Wish you a safe delivery. Birth is a big moment of adrenaline as you described it :).
Becoming a mother is a process that takes time (even if technically starts on the baby's birthday), and for every person (and every child that one has!) it takes different length of time to find your "new normal" - but once you get there, you will have some capacity to think about work ;)
Myself I have been through this 3 times and most recently I did a lot of work related reading and thinking during my leave, with added pleasure of only focusing on the stuff that truly interests me (I imagine this is how sabbaticals go). But I didn't do actual work - I didn't need to, because I was on leave :) but also in first few weeks I didn't have enough energy or time for "tasks".
Having kids can teach a lot of things like ruthless prioritizing (and eliminating!), managing people (there are clear parallels between management books and parenting books), even communication. When people say your priorities will change, it's because taking care of a baby takes up so much time (often in inconvenient 10 min chunks every 40 mins) and cannot be "done later", that some people discover the thing to ruthlessly eliminate is their pre-baby job (if it doesn't add enough value in their life).
But also, being a parent is a process that comes in phases and while they feel like eternity when you are living them, you blink and they are gone. One day you discover it's 1 week left of your leave, another day you wake up and realize you slept through the night for the first time since birth, next you send the kid to school and have 8h "free" from them... And the things you had to put on pause for several months (or maybe even years) will slowly come back to your life.
Good luck and I hope you will find only joy in the parenthood!
Ula, another reader summed it up that the days are long but the years are short! Thanks for the perspective - especially on the overlap between work and parenting :)
I’ll start with this- everything you’re saying is valid. There are so many emotions/questions/unknowns leading up to the birth of your first child.
I do think you’ll find, despite the monotony (and there’s a lot!), there are moments of adrenaline too. The birth itself for starters. Then those crazy first couple weeks where you’re buzzing on what you’ve just accomplished. And then many many firsts with yourself, your baby and your partner, that seem mundane going into the experience, but become profoundly important and huge to you personally- similar to your past adrenaline highs.
And yeah, you’ll think about work, because you’ve spent your whole life working hard, challenging yourself and succeeding to be in the position you are now, but I’m guessing you’ve set your team up for success without you precisely because you’re that good.
So take every bit of these four months to wrap your head around this new adrenaline rush. You’re about to join an incredible group of people (Mothers) who unlock a whole other level of brilliance.
And you’ll bring that brilliance and power back to your role and team in a rush of adrenaline you never could have anticipated.
You are going to be an amazing parent! It goes by so fast (eventually) but those early days are slow. As someone who excels at work (at least, according to me), I get much gratification from doing a good job. I didn’t get that when had my first kid. The birth was hard, my feeding journey was difficult and I really, really missed sleeping. I loved my baby dearly, but I felt like I couldn’t do anything right with her. I was thrilled to go back to work and use my brain, complete non-bodily function related tasks and hear “nice job” again. I felt guilty because wasn’t I supposed to be wishing I was home with my baby? Everyone was really happy I was back, and also things didn’t crash and burn while I was away. With my second, I had a different job, 16 weeks off and I soaked up every minute of it. I enjoyed the break, knowing it would go by fast. Your experience is going to be whatever it is, try not to have feelings about your feelings about it, there is already enough guilt around parenting. You will have wonderful days, hours or minutes, and terrible ones. They will all pass and you be back at Section before you know it with an amazing, wonderful baby who adores you no matter what.
I just wrapped up a 16 week maternity leave with my third, and I could not have said this better myself. Very similar experiences and advice!
This is very, very real! Thank you for sharing something so honest and real.
Speaking from the male perspective, my wife was able to quit her job and stay home when my non-profit merged with another non-profit, increasing my salary and giving my stability. We're both actors by trade and it's been a hard road for both of us. Hard for me to shift into management, away from the stage, and hard for my wife to shift into being with our two kids which - although that was her dream - is very monotonous at times.
We're Catholic, so I'll give a bit of a religious perspective, though it's easily adaptable to a secular/virtue-based perspective, if you desire:
1. Having kids will push you to your limit. Sleep deprivation will reveal how selfish you are - about everything, lol. My wife and I joke about how we used to think we were great people - until you're running on 1 hour of sleep. BUT that's the greatest opportunity you will ever have to grow in holiness/virtue and to truly learn to love and lay your life down for your family and kids. My wife and I struggle with this every day. It's never easy, but it gets more and more rewarding as the kids grow up. It's 100% worth it - especially as the kids get to be 2.5 years+, when they can be silly, talk a lot, engage in conversation, express their thoughts/heart, etc.
2. Part of the monotony is real. 100%. Part of it is that your career no longer becomes the 'prize jewel' project of your life. Your kids are. So you'll have less time to dedicate to thinking about ROI strategies or product management. That's fine. When you're 10-30 years older, you'll love your kids way way way more than you can imagine right now (they are PART of you) and you'll fondly remember your work projects, etc. but they will pale in comparison.
3. The adrenaline of work - and I'm the same junky you are for that stuff - is awesome. I crave that in my work constantly. BUT the joy of seeing your child discover a sense of humor - or of seeing their personality and relationships grow is way, way better.
4. Your kids will force you to slow down. That is a good thing. It is not an easy thing. But they will help you go deeper into reality - whereas adrenaline junky type experiences tend to be fast and shallow (not in a bad way - just not contemplative). If you can slow down, you'll experience yourself unpacking layers to your own heart/experience as well.
5. A community of fellow Moms and Dads in similar stages of life and parenthood is invaluable and helps you feel way way way less alone. It also helps you pool resources, recommended doctors, etc.
Excited for you, Taylor, and grateful for all your work here! But even more excited for you to become a Mama to a beautiful son or daughter! Beautiful!
Hi Taylor - great post. I changed jobs 4x in 3 pregnancies and advanced my career throughout them. My kids are 23/21/18 now so it's been a while and I never was entitled to a 16 week leave. You will probably find adrenaline moments in early parenting although you'll likely be pretty tired and brain foggy for the first few weeks (or months - depends on how your baby sleeps). You will miss the intellectual stimulation and challenge of work - especially since Section has been so exciting.
The hardest thing about maternity leave is that the last part is often the best - that's when you baby is more interactive and is changing daily. I always found it was harder to THINK about returning to work than GOING back to work. Hopefully, you have already arranged whatever childcare you are going to use - and hopefully, it's close to work if you are in an office at all. If you are WFH, plan for how you will be separate from your baby once you are back at work - it's impossible to be an attentive parent and effective executive simultaneously. Sequentially - YES, simultaneously - NO.
A suggestion for both leaving and returning - write a "maternity memo" which is like a First Day Memo (something I use for onboarding people) and captures what you are working on, deliverables, objectives, who is involved and who is the new owner - and share it with everyone impacted by your leave. Ask that the team update/create a memo like that to deliver to you the week before you return so that you can be oriented and pick up where you left off. My former teammembers have done this at Google when taking leave and it's invaluable. Good luck. Wishing you and your baby health and happiness.
Joelle - love the idea of a maternity memo :) I did the first part, but didn't think of the second - having the team deliver back to me when I'm back. I'm definitely already wondering about the transition back (and have heard from others what you said around the end of leave being the hardest part to leave!). Anyways, really appreciate the thoughts and well wishes!
- Taylor
Congratulations! Wish you a safe delivery. Birth is a big moment of adrenaline as you described it :).
Becoming a mother is a process that takes time (even if technically starts on the baby's birthday), and for every person (and every child that one has!) it takes different length of time to find your "new normal" - but once you get there, you will have some capacity to think about work ;)
Myself I have been through this 3 times and most recently I did a lot of work related reading and thinking during my leave, with added pleasure of only focusing on the stuff that truly interests me (I imagine this is how sabbaticals go). But I didn't do actual work - I didn't need to, because I was on leave :) but also in first few weeks I didn't have enough energy or time for "tasks".
Having kids can teach a lot of things like ruthless prioritizing (and eliminating!), managing people (there are clear parallels between management books and parenting books), even communication. When people say your priorities will change, it's because taking care of a baby takes up so much time (often in inconvenient 10 min chunks every 40 mins) and cannot be "done later", that some people discover the thing to ruthlessly eliminate is their pre-baby job (if it doesn't add enough value in their life).
But also, being a parent is a process that comes in phases and while they feel like eternity when you are living them, you blink and they are gone. One day you discover it's 1 week left of your leave, another day you wake up and realize you slept through the night for the first time since birth, next you send the kid to school and have 8h "free" from them... And the things you had to put on pause for several months (or maybe even years) will slowly come back to your life.
Good luck and I hope you will find only joy in the parenthood!
Ula, another reader summed it up that the days are long but the years are short! Thanks for the perspective - especially on the overlap between work and parenting :)
- Taylor
Love the honesty of this post, Taylor! You vocalized things I didn't even realize I needed to read :) We're going to miss you!
I’ll start with this- everything you’re saying is valid. There are so many emotions/questions/unknowns leading up to the birth of your first child.
I do think you’ll find, despite the monotony (and there’s a lot!), there are moments of adrenaline too. The birth itself for starters. Then those crazy first couple weeks where you’re buzzing on what you’ve just accomplished. And then many many firsts with yourself, your baby and your partner, that seem mundane going into the experience, but become profoundly important and huge to you personally- similar to your past adrenaline highs.
And yeah, you’ll think about work, because you’ve spent your whole life working hard, challenging yourself and succeeding to be in the position you are now, but I’m guessing you’ve set your team up for success without you precisely because you’re that good.
So take every bit of these four months to wrap your head around this new adrenaline rush. You’re about to join an incredible group of people (Mothers) who unlock a whole other level of brilliance.
And you’ll bring that brilliance and power back to your role and team in a rush of adrenaline you never could have anticipated.
Writing this after taking my youngest daughter to bed. You will crave the adrenaline.