Every leader needs a “user manual” – here’s mine

Your coworkers are probably misinterpreting your behavior as insensitive, lazy, or cold. Here’s how to stop the friction before it starts.

👋 Hi, it’s Greg and Taylor. Welcome to our newsletter on how to make high-stakes professional and personal decisions in your 30s.

I run 3-7 minutes late to almost every internal meeting. Usually it’s because I’m coming from another conversation – sometimes it’s because I want another cup of coffee. Either way, it’s a fact about working with me that’s unlikely to change. 

When people start to work with me, this often pisses them off or confuses them. “Is Greg coming?” “Does he think this meeting is worthwhile?” “Does he think his time is sooo much more important than mine?” That’s a lot of unintended emotional cost.

This is why I wrote a personal user manual – a “guide to working with Greg.” I think EVERY manager should write one too. 

When your coworkers don’t understand your behavior, they assume the worst – especially if you’re the boss. “They’re a jerk … they don’t like my work … they don’t value my time …” etc. This friction can cost you a ton of goodwill and hours of miscommunication. If someone is stewing every time I’m five minutes late, we’re never starting the meeting from a productive place.

Write a user manual, and clear up the misunderstandings before they start. I’ve shared mine below. 

Greg 

How to write your personal user manual

A user manual is all about reducing friction. It helps people know WHY you do the things you do and HOW they can work well with you. 

To write one, think about the questions below, then list out your working quirks as “features” (see my user manual in the next section). 

One thing to note – your user manual is ONLY useful if it’s brutally honest. User manuals got hot in Silicon Valley about 10 years ago, and like every trend, they got watered down to the point of being useless. Don’t write one on what you aspire to do at work – write what you actually do, especially the stuff other people don’t understand. Then, ask a few trusted colleagues (who won’t be afraid to call you out) to review it. 

User manual questions

1. What do people misunderstand about the way you work?

My answer: People assume that me ‘thinking out loud’ equals ‘giving them direction.’ It doesn’t – I like new ideas but I don’t need every single one to be executed on. If I start following up on the same idea multiple times, though, you should know it’s important. 

2. How do you make and communicate decisions?

My answer: I like to get 80-90% of the way to a good decision and then sleep on it. Let’s get as close as we can with a good conversation and good data, then let instinct get us the rest of the way. 

3. What will you not tolerate in others? (Even if most other people tolerate it!)

My answer: I hate naysaying / shutting ideas down because of perceived risk. You can come back to me and push back with data – but I don’t want to hear “we can’t do that because…” every time we try to think bigger. 

4. What’s a sign that someone has done great work OR pissed you off?

My answer: If you do great work, I probably won’t praise you, but I’ll call you more and give you more to do. If you piss me off, I’ll start doing your job for you. 

Greg’s user manual (aka, the “features” you need to know about me)

I like to think out loud

You should think with me, not take my thoughts as marching orders. I like new ideas and can get distracted by them. But at the same time I always want to deliver the current plan and commitments, so this can confuse people. If you think you hear an action item, double check with me before making it happen. If you think I am getting distracted, tell me. 

I don’t want to do the analysis for you

You should come prepared, with a well thought-out position on whatever you’re presenting. Don’t bring a bunch of raw information and expect me to make sense of it. Have an opinion and be ready to defend it with data and/or a strong analysis. 

I like to see things

I don’t want to spend too much time in the abstract. Get concrete as fast as you can. Show me graphs, not raw data. Show me mockups, not words. Use a white board if we’re in person. We will be more productive together if you can visualize the ideas you want to share.  

I can handle the truth

If you’ve got bad news, spit it out. Don’t try to sugarcoat a failure or a bad result. I’ll respond worse if you do this. We mess up all the time because we’re moving fast and trying new things. It’s better to know early so we can acknowledge and fix our problems.  

I’m direct

It might come off as blunt, but I’m really just impatient. If I cut you off or ask a tough question, it’s because I want to get to the point quickly and make progress. Don’t be offended—and remember I am Canadian, so at the core, I just want us to get along most of the time.

My memory isn’t perfect

I spend all day having conversations with different people about different things at different levels. Don’t expect me to remember our conversation from two weeks ago. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t important. Spend a minute to bring me up to speed if we haven’t talked in a while.  

I always think we can do more

This means that even when we have reason to celebrate, I will focus on what we can do better and how we can quickly build on our success. Don’t expect me to know all the current projects you are working on – remind me and push back if you need more time to tackle more. I won’t always like it in the moment, but I will respect you more if you push back – I value “ambitious pragmatists”  the most.

I am not impressed by hard work

Which is to say, don’t try to impress me with how much work you’ve done. If you’ve worked hard it will be obvious in what you deliver. I am more impressed when I see you are working hard on the “right” things - the ones with high ROI.

I’m a mentor, not a manager

I want you to succeed in your role and in your career and in your life. To that end, I’ll give you the best advice I can, but I’m not going to tell you how to do your job. Your job is to know how to do your job (or figure it out). And if you see me starting to do your job for you, it means that I am really frustrated and you need to figure it out fast – or you will be fired.

I value speed in everything

That includes decision-making, thought, presentation, and time to execute. But if you need more time, ask for it. Send me a pre-read if you can – it will make our meeting or discussion productive. Send me quick notes via Slack if you want me to be prepared for a call with an outside party. I am available for something important from 7am to 10pm PST and for a crisis 24/7.

How a user manual helps your team

- It weeds out applicants from the very beginning. Share your user manual during the interview process – if the person can’t tolerate your working style, it’s best to know from the jump.

- It helps your team understand behaviors that are jarring or unusual, that they’ll read into if you don’t explain them.

- It’s a guidepost for the behavior you value – so they’ll try to emulate that behavior early on.

- It helps your direct reports explain your behavior to other people (for example, Taylor has shared my user manual with plenty of people who ask, “Why does Greg do this??”).

My advice

If you’re stuck writing your user manual, here are two tips:

1. Ask yourself: “What do you find yourself asking people to do all the time that they don’t do naturally?” For Taylor, she always wants things faster (as in, a V1 within 24 hours). For me, I want things condensed and to the point. 

2. Draft your list, then show it to someone who will tell you the truth. Most of the time, you’ll draft a more flattering version of yourself than actually exists. You also might think you’ve fixed a “quirk” of yours, only to hear that you still do it (Taylor tells me this all the time). 

If you manage a team, lead them in developing their user manuals too. It’ll be invaluable in getting better results out of them (and vice versa).

To the next 10 years,
Greg and Taylor